If you have a cat, you are already well aware that your cat is the boss and you are there only to fulfill their whims. If your cat is like mine, they will also be sure to regularly show you that you are their bitch.

She purrs while I’m doing chores

While I vacuum and clean out the litter box, she sits over her fiefdom and purrs.

She licks the window blinds

My cat is devious. She knows that if she does this long enough, it will annoy the shit out of me and I will raise the blinds.

She licks my eyelid while I’m sleeping

She doesn’t lick my face. That would be too kind. She licks my EYELID! Go and get yourself some sandpaper – not the smooth grain kind, the really coarse one – and just give that a wipe right across your eyelid. That is what a cat tongue feels like. This is her very kind way of letting me know I’m not safe even in my sleep and should therefore pay attention to her immediately.

My cat gnaws on the side of a box while staring at me

Basically, this is just a tactic of raw intimidation. She’s there like: yeah, even when I gnaw on a box, I’ve got one eye open. And that one eye is staring directly at you.

She licks all my books

She’s there to let me know that she’s 100% that bitch and she does what the fuck she wants. And what the fuck she wants is to ruin my books by relentlessly licking the shit out of them.

My cat sits about 15 feet away and stares at me

This is just straight up psychological warfare. She just wants to make sure that I know she could roll up on me out of nowhere and I wouldn’t be prepared for what she has coming.