Since the air is basically just smoke outside, I figured why not take some time to learn what I can about how to end a global pandemic from our world’s leading scientists. Who I am sure must have consulted on the movie Contagion.

Long story short Contagion is about an airborne virus that creates a worldwide pandemic. Sound familiar?!

Lessons learned

Lesson 1: Communal bar cocktail peanuts, while delicious, are germ cesspools and disease vectors trying to kill us.

Lesson 2: Our first big mistake in managing the pandemic was not getting Kate Winslet to calmly explain virus transmission and fomites and incubation periods and how viruses work to people. Every channel should have played that clip on repeat ad infinitum.

Lesson 3: Not going out at all or wearing a mask when ill should be common practice for everyone forever.

Lesson 4: People like to play the lotto and they like stuff that seems scarce, so maybe if we made the vaccine seem exclusive and created a lotto, more people would be more inclined to get vaccinated. Oh wait… we did try a lottery! Lols! Did Gavin Newsom watch this movie recently too?

Contagion got a lot right

Life imitates art imitates life as they say. Contagion got quite a few things right.

• Runs on groceries and running out of medical supplies
• Fake “cures” peddled by con men looking to make a dime
• Allowing people to spread bullshit lies on the airwaves as though they deserve equal time with the actual experts and thus preventing people from acting rationally and getting vaccinated
• Social distancing, masking, hand washing as best defenses against transmission pre-vaccine
• Deforestation collapsing the divide between animals and humans and pushing bats out of their natural habitats so that they interact more with other animals and create a virus that passes between animals and then to humans.

But…

The movie comes to a quick end once the vaccine has been created. The scientists do their thing, people are super anxious to get vaccinated, and then the movie is over. I guess the writers figured that vaccine creation would bring about the end of a pandemic? Jokes on them! They miscalculated what a bunch of defiant petulant assholes humans really are!

Somebody find out if Kate Winslet is available.

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