Unsurprisingly, in a women’s locker room there are a lot of women walking around in their underwear. You have the women with the matching lacy sets that must only be delicately laundered in the most purified waters coming from a glacial mountain spring. And then you have me.
My underwear is there to serve a function
I take a very utilitarian approach to underwear. Will the bra keep my boobs mostly where they are supposed to be and not on my belly or under my armpits? And can it do that without creating a block uni-boob or stabbing me with underwire?
Yes? Great!
Will the underwear protect my bits? Will it prevent me from having to wash my pants every time I wear them because I don’t have a washer/dryer in my apartment and fuck the laundromat?
Yes? Great!
Choosing underwear
Purchasing underwear includes a pretty simple checklist:
- Are they cotton?
- Do they come in a 6-pack?
- Note: 4-pack is acceptable if there are cool colors or patterns
- Can they go in the washer dryer?
- Are they less than $3 per pair?
- Note: I aspire to one day be a person who is willing to spend more so I can shop at MeUndies.
Unless the answer is yes to all of the above, they are not making it into my cart. I don’t even pretend I’m the kind of person who wears nice matching underwear like the women I’ve seen at the gym. I want my ass comfortably covered and I don’t want to pay much for that privilege.
