A blog post wherein I take etiquette questions from magazines and answer them myself.

After having been largely indoors for months, I’m finding that I feel anxious about anything that requires going out, whether it’s an appointment or a drink with friends. Am I agoraphobic – and what can I do to change it?

You are not agoraphobic, but you might be a dumbass. You are feeling anxious about doing those things because THERE IS A RAGING PANDEMIC GOING ON AND YOU SHOULDN’T BE FUCKING DOING THOSE THINGS! Over the past week, there has been an average of over 170k COVID cases per day and over 1200 deaths per day. Stay the fuck inside! I’m pretty sure good etiquette means having drinks with your friends when you won’t be risking someone getting sick and dying!!

How long can you make your friends wait to eat while you take the perfect picture? I hate myself at the time, but sometimes it takes a while.

How perfect does this picture need to be and why? Are you paying for the meal? Is taking pictures of this food how you make your livelihood? Do you include your friends in the pictures? Is their company actually important to you?

Never mind all that though – the answer is zero seconds. Because they’re fucking hungry and you know you’re being insufferable.

Work-related etiquette question: I’ve always been an introvert, so I’m used to hearing the question why are you so quiet? But it bothers me because the person’s tone often seems judgmental. I don’t ask other people why they are so loud. Any ideas on how to respond?

Ugh, I hate this. I hate it even more when you have to defend against “seeming in a bad mood” or “not contributing to the conversation” when it’s just because you aren’t inclined to do a bunch of bullshit small talk or talk just to hear your own voice. It’s like – yo, if you want me to talk more, shut up more!! Or talk about something interesting! Or actually ask for people’s opinions instead of listening to the same few loud fucks all the time.

It’s rough out there. Listening is underrated and the business world rewards extroverts. What I usually say, both because it’s true and because it shames the person asking, is that I found it hard to get into the conversation since there were no pauses to jump in. Then it’s their fault for being bad at running inclusive meetings. ?

Do you have an etiquette question you'd like me to answer? Leave it in the comments below!