After being unemployed for a while and writing cover letter after cover letter, getting no response at all, or getting a rejection so quickly that I don’t think any human being could possibly have even looked at it, I’ve decided to take a new approach. I know it’s a bit of a gamble, but I feel like it’s got some real potential. It’s honest, to the point, and since I won’t need to change anything about it, I think it’ll be a real time-saver.

To Whom It May Concern:

I was excited to see there is a company that is still hiring during the pandemic. Your listing for the position I’m applying to at whatever company this is looked very interesting. I have however many years of professional experience you want in doing the work you need done.

Under normal circumstances, I would do just enough research to learn more about the company so I could fake an appropriate level of excitement for this job. I’d probably even drop in some random thing I read in an article. I might even have put in a few key words from the job description into this cover letter in the hopes of making it through your ATS’s screening.

However, let’s be honest. The economy is a dumpster fire. My former company laid me off and I need a job ASAP. I mean, you’re probably exhausted of selling people on a company you’re not even that excited to be at yourself right now, right? It’s just a fucking job and we’re in a pandemic. I’ll definitely figure out how to do the thing you need me to do, so let’s make this thing happen!

I’m available to talk whenever because days and times no longer have meaning.

Sincerely yours,