Journal entry – Tuesday, December 3, 2002

I am sad because the boyfriend made me his tuna pasta special last night, and today I think upon reheating it, it is causing me to be sick. I guess it’s my own fault because tuna from the can probably doesn’t belong in the microwave.

Response – June 27, 2020

You fucking maniac! You have violated the first and most important rule of office etiquette and office life. Never put fish in the microwave!! I’m not talking about just “tuna from the can.” I’m talking ANY fish. It smells up the whole goddamn office!!

And I’m not talking about the kind of smell that lovely buttery microwave popcorn makes. The smell that wafts through the office in the afternoon and perks up your sad overworked coworkers as the chorus of – Did someone make popcorn? – turns into a crescendo around the office. People’s heads popping up from behind their screens like they are Punxsutawney Phil with the first hopes of Spring. They start chanting your name and joy spreads throughout the office.

No, I’m talking about a stink. A STANK even. The kind of stink that lingers. It pervades the air. It’s a stink that creeps into your clothes and haunts your dreams. Besides all that, microwaving your fish turns it into hard rubbery shit you don’t want to eat anyway. I mean, they even covered this exact problem in Bon Appetit for chrissakes!

I’m legit embarrassed for my former self. If I could, I would send this woman back in time to meet you in that kitchen right as you were putting that plate into the microwave and tell you about proper office etiquette.

But I do give my former self credit for learning this valuable lesson somewhere along the way.

Back in the day, I blogged all the time. I rediscovered an old blog and have decided to write back to myself and maybe do some bad drawings to go along with it. Let’s see how this goes…