These things creep up on you.

One day you go to the Apple Store to trade in at least a decade’s worth of old Apple products. The young college-aged student squees at how cute your first-generation iPod Mini is. When you ask about transferring data from multiple devices onto one shiny new MacBook, she explains to you slowly, in simple terms, how hard drive storage is like having something in your house but the iCloud is like having a storage unit. And you realize she is explaining this to you like you are an Old who has never touched a laptop. But you aren’t even mad because it kind of does make sense what she’s saying.

Then you go home to watch the new Cowboy Bebop on Netflix. You see John Cho has gotten (or has been?) super ripped and you get curious about what he’s been up to, so you look him up on IMDB. Where you find out that he’s 49. Harold is forty-NINE (because Harold & Kumar Go to White Castle came out SEVENTEEN YEARS AGO).

And then, because you feel a bit constipated, you get out the Metamucil. Because the stuff from Costco didn’t do much and the stuff from the health food store was like drinking paste.