Lately, I have been fantasizing a lot about buying a house. Confined mostly to my apartment throughout the pandemic and staring at the same shit on the same walls for months on end will do that to a person. Especially since I am sharing walls with people who are also now home all day trying to find something to do with their time (and landing on super annoying shit like attempting to learn fucking electric guitar with the amp on 11).

Basically, I dream of a place of my own and more space. I want to be able to paint the walls. I want to hang something up without fear that the walls will literally crumble. Sure, I love hardwood floors and built-ins and places with quirks. But goddamn I would really love a place that has shit like a dishwasher or washer/dryer. A place where the built-ins don’t have paint that is weirdly sticky even though I never painted them and it’s been at least a decade since I moved in. A place with fucking outlets in places that outlets should be!

I dream about having a place with at least two bedrooms. That way people can come to visit me and it can double as an arts and crafts room/office. Two bathrooms because I don’t want to share a bathroom. A backyard space where I can sit outside and stare at a garden or trees. But, most importantly, I dream about having a sunroom for my cat.

A day in the life of my cat

My cat has two dedicated spots near windows. Her day generally starts with the scenic look onto the recycle and trash bins just on the other side of the front window. This is where she gets to see my neighbors dump stuff in and random folks rummage through to take stuff back out. Sometimes she sees people walking by. Many times she gets the shit scared out of her because people are out there like assholes slamming lids closed or smashing glass.

When I wake up (aka when she wakes me up), we begin our morning routine. Now that I am unemployed and she is old and has to take medications every day, it goes something like this:

• Squeeze her and hug her until she runs away.
• Try to hide her medicine in treats, almond butter, meaty paste, etc., and hope she eats it.
• Sit on the floor and give her her inhaler (yes, cats can get inhalers!).
• Give her treats in her snacky mouse toy and watch her mercilessly bat it around.
• Dish out her dry food, some wet food, and make sure water is full.
• Read the news and be sad.
• Make my breakfast.

At this point, is usually where she will move over to the other window which gets good morning sun (when there is sun…).

This window is covered with bars and looks onto a concrete driveway and faces a wooden fence about 15 feet away. All we ever see from this window is my asshole neighbor’s car and maybe an occasional squirrel. It’s… not inspiring.

It’s a wonderful cat life

I just find it a massive bummer. Is she tired of roaming the same few rooms over and over? Staring out the same two windows overlooking concrete and trash?

Anytime I move things around the house or bring something home she goes bonkers for it. It’s the most fascinating shit she has seen in a month when I bring home a box from Costco. She’s sitting there like “oh my God something to break up the monotony of looking at the same shit all day every day for all my life! I’m going to lick the fuck out of this box!!!”

This is why I fantasize about a sun room for my cat.

In the sunroom, there would have to be multiple cat trees, scratchers and places to lounge in the sun. Throughout the room, comfy chairs, blankets and pillows to nap on. I imagine various tunnels and walkways to travel from place to place. On every corner, one of those self-grooming wall-mounted brushes so she can brush herself whenever she wants (and preferably stops rubbing her face on my bed frame like a weirdo).

Ideally, the sunroom is looking onto a yard with plants and birds. If you could mash these images up into one room, it is basically what I imagine the sunroom would look like:

Somewhere in this room is also a self-cleaning litter box that actually works. Because, I love my cat, but I am 100% sick of cleaning up her stinky shits. For real, I wish I could teach her to light a candle after she’s done. Also, you know my cat is the kind of diva who purrs while watching me clean out her litter box, and that has gone from amusing to weird.

Unfortunately, “sunroom for my cat” is not yet a standard thing you can search for in a real estate listing, and I don’t have a job to pay for a house. But, I’m keeping the fantasy alive.