One time when I was riding the bus, the driver pulled over and hustled into McDonald’s to use the bathroom, which got me thinking…. Is this what bus drivers usually do when they have to use the bathroom…?

Particularly, on days when they have stomach upset, what do they do? Do they just call out sick? Do they stop off a bunch of times at fast food places? What if they’re in a residential area – what then? Can they go only when they are at the ends of their routes? Are they wearing adult diapers like Sonja Morgan (PS – honestly why hasn’t someone locked her in on a sponsorship deal? I should be seeing her in commercials by now.)?!

Even more complicated – what do subway/train drivers do?! Can they get out during their route? If they can, do the stations have bathrooms? In the Bay Area, it seems like many do not.

Don’t leave it to my imagination

I’ve half-envisioned they must keep some kind of concealable container at the ready for emergency pees. Perhaps the ladies would get something like Go-Girl to help them pee into a bottle? But like… What do they do about emergency poops?! This has to be something they cover in the training. I am desperate to see the employee manual section on what they are supposed to do!

“I’ve actually once signed on duty, went to prepare my train and then my stomach wanted to work. Tried to run to the bathroom but as Murphey’s Law has it, couldn’t get my trousers down in time and there was an ‘explosion’ – I wasn’t the first and won’t be the last Driver that’s happened to.”

– train driver

As a person who has IBS and has changed or canceled plans out of worry that I would not be near a bathroom and end up shitting myself, these are the kinds of things I think about.

For once in my life, I feel like this might be what Reddit and Quora are for…. Do I dare fall down that rabbit hole….? I do!

So… what is the bathroom situation?

Sometimes when people have to sneak off to take a dump, they do, in fact, delay an entire group of subway lines. This is the kind of thing that would make me quit my job. My coworkers having to explain to passengers that multiple trains were delayed because I was pooping, AND it gets covered in the news?!

If random folks on the internet are to be believed, being “held momentarily by the train’s dispatcher,” which I have heard plenty of times, is also code for – somebody needs to go to the bathroom. Responders in this thread and this thread said they can call out for a physical needs break. This means someone will come to switch with them while they go to the bathroom and then switch back when they circle back to that station. But they also said things like…

“Of course, some don’t bother to find a toilet and will either go in a bottle, or some of the filthy sods just go against the cab door and let it drain outside.”

– rolling stock engineer

Filthy sods!! One of my favorite things is definitely British people talking shit. A British coworker telling someone they weren’t raised properly is still one of the sickest burns I have ever heard. Maybe you had to be there. I digress.

Most often, people say they wait until the end of their line to have bathroom and food breaks. If the people responding are representative of the workforce, it is also a pretty male occupation. In which case, I have reached two conclusions:

1. There are, in fact, pee bottles everywhere.
2. A career in mass transit driving is not for me.