Before I get started, I will 100% acknowledge that this movie was never considered good and so the idea of it “holding up” is dubious at best. But let’s pretend we used the many months of the pandemic to practice our gratitude and optimism and hope there is a remote possibility this movie could have aged well.

The cast may fool you

Whatever shit we inevitably talk about this movie, the cast is pretty great and is phenomenally 90s. You’ve got Ben Kingsley, Michael Madsen, Marg Helgenberger, Forest Whitaker, and Alfred Molina. Not to mention, a young Michelle Williams. Altogether this cast is now giving you 2 Oscars, 7 Oscar noms, 5 Golden Globes, 13 Golden Globes noms, 3 Emmys, and 9 Emmy noms. And no, Michael Madsen didn’t contribute to any of those numbers but I still think he’s great.

So you start watching this movie and you’re feeling you just might be in for something of quality.

But then… you get The Stinkers Bad Movie “Stinker Award” Nominee, Natasha Henstridge, and also… the plot of the movie.

Oh god, not the plot

How to adequately summarize this steaming shit pile of a plot? The short version is:

Men use alien science to create a non-speaking sexy alien-woman who just wants to bone at all costs and will kill anyone who gets in the way of her sexytimes.

The slightly longer version is that Ben Kingsley and his crew get a new DNA sequence from aliens with instructions on how to combine it with human DNA, so they just figure – what the fuck? let’s do this! what could possibly go wrong?

Except what could go wrong is everything and so he must assemble the dream team of Forest Whitaker (the psychic/empath), Marg Helgenberger (the molecular biologist), Alfred Molina (the expert in cross-cultural behavior), and Michael Madsen (the guy who cleans up shit after it hits the fan) to capture and kill Michelle/Natasha (the alien).

Facepalm

Everything you need to know about this movie can be captured in two pieces of dialogue.

# 1 – Ben tells them about the alien they decided to grow

Forest: It's a girl.
Ben: Yes, we decided to make it female so that it would be more docile and controllable. 
Michael: More docile and controllable, huh? I guess you guys don't get out much.

Oh, women. What simple creatures. It’s so much fun to paternalistically patronize them, isn’t it? Also, they have boobies! Even aliens who look not very much at all like humans still have big alien boobies isn’t that great?!

# 2 – The alien made her way to LA

Alfred: Of course Los Angeles is perfect for her. It's a city of the future. Anything goes. Totally mobile population. Everyone's a stranger. Very little in this town is taboo or unacceptable. Whatever she does, no one's going to notice.

It’s so true! LA is totally a land of heathens, reckless wanton abandon, and lawlessness, so no one would ever notice an alien-woman sex-murdering people.

Isn’t it so interesting that with everything she could do on a new world, her drive is to become pregnant? And when another woman seems to get in her way for even a second, she rips her spine out?

Such a nuanced take on womanhood, isn’t it?

The rise of pizza rat

In the end, she has her baby in the sewers and fights with Michael, Marg, and Forest. Some tentacles come out of her alien boobs (obvs) as she is trying to kill them, but eventually, it is she who is killed.

Lest you think it’s all over when a rat (probably a forefather of pizza rat) nips off with a tit tentacle and you know that means there is a sequel.

Does this movie hold up?

Ummmmm… no. Just no.

To see my review of other movies I recently rewatched, check out: Wherein I dedicate a post to the movie The Net and Does it hold up? Reviewing The Big Hit and Tango & Cash.